


She knows, and yet all she can do is hope

by Ghrazer



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Life isn't fair, Oneshot, blatant favoritism but who can blame her, ichigo is really unfortunate if you really think about, make do with what you get, masaki gives another meaning to ichigo's name, masaki's motherly musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28627557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghrazer/pseuds/Ghrazer
Summary: Masaki loves all of her children equally, or so she tells herself. This is the lie she insists is truth, but the second she heard his cry for the first time - the instant she saw his fiery orange hair - no, from the very moment she conceived him, she felt the ember of Reiryoku from deep within her core ignite andknew.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	She knows, and yet all she can do is hope

Uncertainty was an unwelcome guest that had stalked her for as long as she could remember. 

Masaki had rarely been sure of what her instincts were trying to tell her, whether it be on the battlefield or within the chaotic mess that she calls her life. She dons an iron mask of confidence in front of others, but it only serves to conceal the precarious essence of her soul.

She hears its whispers moments before the Shinigami conclude their mass genocide of the Quincy line with her family. One of the voices in her head had warned her days before they reached her doorstep, but she was too overwhelmed by the flood of the rest, and it had cost her dearly.

She wants to trust Ryuken, she really does, but she can’t dislodge the bolus of doubt stubbornly fixed in her throat. Though he carries himself with a curt, cold, and an overall callous demeanor, she can sense a genuine concern for her well-being - and not just because their relationship is the last hope for a pure bloodline.

Perhaps, in another lifetime, she would have acted on that urge that told her to surrender herself to their potential.

Isshin comes barreling into her life before she can even entertain that thought. He selflessly throws away his own life and thwarts the end of hers to give them both a _new_ beginning. In doing so, he simultaneously touches her heart and crushes her spirit. 

As much as Masaki wants to deny it, she falls in love with him. She, a Quincy, falls in love with Isshin, a Shinigami.

He is the moon that unveils a beauty in the darkness of her heart that she didn’t even know was there. He embraces her with a blanket of stars, and shows her that even if his light may wax and wane, their expansive twinkle is enough to illuminate her sky.

He treats her as if she had been the reason for his existence all along, but still, she can’t help but feel...inadequate. Undeserving. Useless.

Truthfully, the more time she spends with him, the more she comes to hate herself. 

He has so much confidence, and she is so unsure of herself. He is so reliable, and she is so incompetent. He has such a sturdy sense of self, and she didn’t even know who she is, much less her place in the world.

But if there is one thing she hates the most about herself more than anything else, it is the way she looks into his eyes on their wedding day, sees his undeniable devotion to her, and resists the urge to wretch as she struggles out her _til death do us part_ through clenched teeth.

Masaki hopes and prays that it’s simply the butterflies in her stomach. Instead, her gut violently tightens and twists into a knot of dread.

Perhaps - she muses to herself - it is the bitter realization that she dares to _build_ a family with a man of the very same species that _murdered_ her own that is gnawing away at her consciousness. 

Life goes on anyway.

* * *

Masaki continues on with that boisterous man she now calls her husband. He opens a clinic and plays doctor while she finishes university.

She acquires a job at the local Karakura grade school as a multifunctional teacher, managing both her class lesson plans and overseeing the school’s extracurricular art program. The work proves to be challenging, and on some days she feels like a frantic octopus, but she wholeheartedly enjoys it. 

She’s always had a particular knack for art. 

It is the only part of her life that frees her from the cloud of worries over her head, though with it brings bittersweet memories, and distantly she remembers that she has her family to thank for this. 

The Kurosaki clan had not only prided themselves in having Echt Quincy status, but also in their well-rounded prowess. 

Her father had been a highly respected engineer, her mother a lawyer with an impeccable record, and her elder sister an Olympic archery champion. Masaki herself, in her youth, had been lauded as a prodigy artist whose masterpieces were valued at millions of euros.

Painting is by far her favorite pastime.

The paint brush brings her broken and bottled emotions to life on canvas and creates a beautiful oil-based illustration of the heat of her heart. Each time she finishes a piece and she sits back to admire her work, it almost feels like she is coming closer and closer to....comprehending.

And one day, Masaki does.

It happens abruptly. She feels a flicker - a candlelight flame - ignite from her within her core. It travels up her spine and unfurls itself in her chest - with all the warmth and familiarity of a happy memory- before climbing up her throat into her head and _*click_

Masaki’s eyes open to a new reality.

It’s as if she is seeing the world, her life, and her decisions for what they truly are for the first time. The garbled agitation that had rooted itself in her being like a curse suddenly makes sense.

Uncertainty is not the culprit of her misfortune, it’s her _stubbornness_.

She did not heed the warning of her intuition because she refused to believe that her happiness could be taken. 

She deprived herself of a sincere relationship with Ryuuken because she detested the control of his family. 

Masaki had let guilt fester in her heart like rotten flesh because she had not the courage to let go the chains of her past to face the world of her future, and more importantly, the future of her firstborn flame.

Her baby. Her poor, poor baby - whose fate has yet to unfold - is subject to the trials and tribulations of bearing the burdens of unimaginable power.

Masaki knows that her beloved son, born of Quincy blood and Shinigami spirit, will be the one and only recipient of the consequences of her hollowfication. Unfortunately, there is nothing she can do to prevent it.

Though, fate does afford her the privilege of bestowing upon her child a means of comprehending himself and his significance to the world. She needs no time to ponder; it appears at the forefront of her mind as if it had long since been a predestined designation. 

_Ichigo_ , one who protects.

The day he is born, Masaki places him atop her chest and cherishes the beat of his heart and the softness of his skin. She carries him if only to help him bear the weight of the world that is already upon his shoulders. The crystal tears that spill from her eyes contribute no alleviation to his impending destiny.

He is to become the guardian to mankind and its spiritual derivatives.

He is to become the savior rising over the depths of despair.

He is to become the selfless sacrificial lamb that brings salvation to a selfish world.

Ichigo is predestined to all these mantles, but alas, Masaki knows that all these are but thankless feats in the face of human nature. He is presented as a gift to the world and still the world will curse him in return.

Nevertheless, Masaki is forced to accept that Ichigo is a born protector; she can only hope that he can also be allowed to protect his own happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer: I do not own bleach**
> 
> This is my first writing and I admittedly wanted to dive into Masaki's character even deeper than I had. But as Chandler once said, "You have to stop the q-tip when there's resistance." I didn't want to sacrifice the quality of a brief musing that's better off on its own. I do have a lot of ideas for future fanfics, so hopefully I'll find some momentum for those.


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